Well, off to a start, anyway!

2009 was a horrible year for me, in many ways, but it started looking up towards the end, after I met Asoniel.  Perspective reinstated itsself, with practicality becoming the catchword.  Before that, I was kinda living "day to day", and paycheck to paycheck.  Didn't have any savings left, had pretty much nothing to show for it, except my house.  Then the fire took half of that, for all intents and purposes, forcing me to live in two rooms.  Hell, I've done it before, back in my twenties.  I've actually had apartments smaller than my current living space, but that was then.  This is now.

Loving someone, and wanting to provide the best possible setting for that love to flourish changes a person.  I'd forgotten, in the decade plus since David was taken away, how much so.  I now put money in the bank every paycheck, towards the purchase of a new(ish) car.  I haven't spent one thin DIME of that insurance check, except to pay the contractor, in order to get the work moving even faster.  I'm working very hard to find a new job, one with insurance, and one that allows me an occassional weekend off, so our visits are not all one way, with the onus of travel on him and the wear and tear on his automobile.  Soon, very soon, I will have hot water in my house again for the first time in over a year, and will actually have REAL heat!  Isn't it amazing the lessons that life teaches you:  when you think you've hit rock bottom, someone truly SPECIAL comes along, and you realize that life really IS worth living, and that mere existance is no longer an option.

You begin to make "plans" again in your head.  You no longer live day to day, you think about your future, his future, and your potential future together.  Those that say that homosexuals can't REALLY love one another, because there is no potential for offspring, and therefore no biological connection are dead wrong.  For years, that good old "Baptist upbringing" of my youth has led me to a deep self-loathing, and a need to "fit in" to society, that I hadn't even realized was there.  Losing David, and withdrawing from the world for about ten years didn't help either.  I had become set in my ways, and rather an old fogey, at just 48 yrs. of age.

Love has given me back my joi de vivre, my sense of humor, but above all, tolerance, patience, and kindness.  My mother and I have had a contentious relationship for most of my life.  We now can speak to each other without TOO much frustration.  My friends and co-workers tell me that I've changed, become
nicer, easier to get along with, and funnier.  Yes, my innate good nature, and sense of  "fun" is returning as well.  Morose is no longer tolerated in my self, and I try to see the lighter side of any situation.  I'm over drama, over "asshats and idiots" as our friend Bonzo says.  I even have found it within myself to kind of overlook the constant "gerbil and buttsex" jokes that my employers think are so damned funny, because I realize this is a form of ignorance on THEIR part, and not really directed at me personally, that I'm just the convenient "target" of  their own misguided attempts at amusing themselves, since no one else really is.

Lastly, and forgive this rambling stream of consciousness..... Loving Asoniel, in both worlds, has led me to love myself again.  I take better care of myself and my physical surroundings again.  I'm still dieting, or rather have started again.  I've lost over 40 lbs. in the last year, and am now trying to quit smoking... AGAIN!  This time, however, I'm doing it sensibly.  No cold turkey and 60 lb. weight gain this time... oh no!  I'm quitting the same way I started... one cigarette at a time.  When it reaches the habit stage, rather than just the addiction/chain smoking stage, I will put them down.  With his help, for good this time.

I want to thank the Almighty "Whatever Is Out There" for bringing him along when It did.  I was on a slow path of self-destruction, and hadn't even realized it fully, though there were warning signs.  Aso, you've given me reason to go on, to live, love and be happy again.  TRULY happy.  No matter what the future brings, for me, for you, for us.... that lesson, and so many more, has been learned, and once learned, will not be forgotten.  Thank you, and Love you!

Will I catch hell from some of my friends for this post?  Possibly.  There are those that feel that you should not mix RL and SL, or blogging and RL in general.  To me, a blog is a way of letting the world see and hear the things that you can not say out loud, or to share your thoughts and thought processes with your friends and loved ones.  If the rest of the world happens to read it, oh, well.  It is not MY problem if they don't agree.  If you don't like it, then don't read it.  Caveat Emptor!

Thank you to all that have stood by me in the past, and to those of you that have chosen to be part of my future.  While I've posted this song before, and it's primarily for you, Li'l Satelfteh, this also applies to ALL the people I love in my life.  Love is quite simple, actually.... a very basic emotion.  Just feel it, be glad for it, accept it when it's offered, and don't place strings or expectations on it.  I love you all, my dear friends, and Aso, you don't even need to be told how I feel.

Do like I do.... cry.  Yes, I've learned that again, too.  Not ALL tears are bad.  Cry out the bad, then cry because you're so damned happy.  It helps.  Trust me on this!

Peace out, ya'll!  *HUGS!*

Love you, Baby!