Yes, that is a rather ambiguous way of starting what I think, might be a very serious post. My son, Spanki, recently blogged about dreams, mental "illness" and healing. An interesting topic, and entirely pertinent to a RL/SL blog like this. Read it. It's very well written and makes several good points. His, not mine. Mine will most likely be a random stream of consciousness, as usual. LOL!
As most of you know, I don't differentiate between SL and RL. To me, they are both perfectly valid "realities", just with different parameters for interaction, though the two CAN mix and blend, usually successfully, but sometimes with very adverse effects. I live with, not suffer from, Bipolar Disorder. Notice the capitalization. Intentional. Years ago, before diagnosis, my life, and that of those around me, was a living hell. Up/down.... violent mood swings from euphoria to the darkest depression (tried to suicide twice), the staying up all hours of the day and night, "improper sleep schedules" (i.e. sleep a coupla hours a night, then nap in the daytime, or just sleep for thirteen hours a day, w/o accomplishing anything in the waking hours).
When living with this, or any other chemically induced disorder, it's VERY important to realize that you are NOT sick. Not in the traditional sense. Mine is quite simply a seratonin imbalance, caused by faulty receptors. Physical, but OH how the mental/emotional can aggravate and trigger it. SL has been quite a therapy for that.
"Dreams" he talks about, and not really even recognizing the person that he "used to be". That I can totally relate to. I remember my dreams, and subscribe to the theory that they are ways for the subconscious to deal with/alert us to problems, or their resolution. You kill a dragon in your dream, it might be that bill collector that hounds you day and night. It might be the ghost of an ex lover, or, in my case in particular, the cancer that has affected my life so deeply (David and my grandmother's death.... my mother's run in with cervical cancer... my own brush with it in the form of skin cancer...). Dreams alert us to problems. Dreams help us solve problems. Usually. Ask around..... if you dare, if you are close enough to fellow avatars. It seems that while many come to SL to play, those of us with "histories" and "mental illness" (gods, I HATE that term!) are ubiquitous. Dreams of abandonment. Dreams of fire.... (ACK!). Dreams of love found and love lost. Erotic dreams. All have their reasons, and all are reflections/resolutions on the day's/week's/month's problems and good things.
In SL, we have a chance to act out and ON those "secret night fears". Some choose the road of Dom/Sub, for various reasons. Some choose fantasy characters (my Satyr).... they give us a chance to act out, to BE what we can't in RL for various reasons, to explore our better/darker natures. IRL, I tend to be a loaner, not always by choice, but through what life has thrown me. On SL, I am THE Social butterfly, with friends from all walks of life, all lifestyles, male, female, gay, straight, Fur, Neko..... whatever. This is where his mention of "empathy" comes in.
SL gives many of us a chance to express those "deeper human emotions"... the ones that set us aside from the lower primates. For those of us that ARE empaths, like Spanki, myself, Corinda... and oh so many more that I have run across on SL, this "game" that we play gives us a chance to reach out, to bond, to share a bit of our souls, usually w/o the fear of the hurt that comes with in RL. NOT always the case, and some of you are aware of what I speak, but we'll just leave it at that for now. For us "sensitives", the bonds that we create/feel/share on SL are VERY real. Spanki "is" my son in many ways. He is about the same age as my RL daughter, with whom I have a rather diffident relationship. He allows me to care/share/be there for him in ways that she can't/won't. Corinda "is" my sister, that gives me the emotional support that I don't get RL from my blood relatives. Her hubby, Eacen, both RL and SL, "is" my brother-in-law..... someone to joke with, horse around with..(pardon the pun... he's a Centaur!). One caution, though. There are those, whether intentionally, or through self-delusion, will play you. If you are empathic, and they are good enough, or actually believe their own delusions, they can rope you in, make you care. This is an EASY way to get hurt, but eventually, you see through it, and "feel" the other person's soul. Empathy is both a curse and a blessing, at times. However, that being said, it DOES open up the door to true and lasting friendships, like I have with my SL family, with Aso, with the Tarts, etc., just be careful.
These relationships help. Some relationships on SL can be bad for you. When emotions get involved, and you, as an empath, begin to "feel" the other person, you get involved with their RL problems. In many cases, this is a GOOD thing. It's bonded me to my son, my sis, and to others here. It's given me access to people that I never would have met.... GOOD people, like my Tarts... heehee... in RL. It's given me love, given me pain, but above all, it's given me a way to help others. An empath NEEDS that. We "feel" the pain in others, and want to make it go away. This in turn, helps us to free our own souls, and "be" ourselves. This gets us back to the "mental illness" factor.
By concentrating on "the game", by letting yourself "evolve" in SL, you can concquer many of those demons that plague your dreams, and cause you untold problems. It enables you, but in a good way, IF you make it so. It CAN be caustic, depending on the depth that you are willing to reach to, but, for the most part, it is a blessing. At least to me, it has been. Yes, SL has caused me to cry my heart out, at times. I've been HURT here, emotionally. But most nights, I laugh myself to sleep.
This is a good thing, I'm thinking.
Yes, it's 5:00 AM for me... yes, it's been a sleepless night. NOT because of nightmares or anguish though... but because of excitement. I get the new phone lines installed today, and can finish moving the studio. My furniture comes home Monday. I have something to look FORWARD to, and not back on, again. Thank you to all of my SL buddies that have made this possible. Thank you for those of you that have let me rant and rave, both in voice, and in IM. I could NOT have gotten myself back to this "good place" without the therapy that you've provided. Medication only goes so far. Sometimes, ya just gotta bitch to receptive ears!
Love you ALL!
Oh, and I'm going to THE CITY... heehee... yeah, it's capitalized in my thoughts, too.... this evening. SL has allowed me to get that far. I've been mostly a recluse since David died, with just a few "good times" thrown in. SL has given me the confidence and just plain "chutzpah" to get back out there. By using SL as an alternative to having a RL for a LONG time, too long perhaps, I've learned to love myself again. Learned to "reach out" to others, and BE what I was so many years ago..... a Doer, a Thinker, but most of all.... someone who can FEEL and CARE about his fellow humans, and be amongst them, at peace with his own soul and intentions. I can go back out, explore RL again, with good intentions. If the other person fucks that up, that's their problem, not mine. My soul is clean, and so is my conscience. I trust myself again, and my own motivations.
The friends that I'm gonna visit are taking me to a dinner theatre. They have an interesting evening planned for us, but DO have a computer. Several, in fact. If the addiction kicks in, I'll be on. For a while. Maybe. I have a vision of us sitting side by side, on distinct laptops, on SL, all the while talking RL and SL. Kinda like the 12 yr old girls do at Walmart.... standing next to each other, all the while texting to each other about the cute guys in the checkout isle. Texting each other on our cell phones about the cute guy standing next to us.... trying to get them to get him a drink, and say it's from you. ROFL! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh, this is gonna be SO much fun!
Enough rant..... have a GREAT day, my family!
*Peace*
Tel
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