Have you ever noticed, when things are at their dimmest, that the Powers that Be ALWAYS give us hope? I was given this grace today, and had to share it here.
I walk. A lot. I walk to work, (only 3 1/2 blocks), to the grocery, (one block), the main "downtown:" shopping district, (touristy, but my friends own them, and they are places I need on business, because they provide the clientele for the diner) etc. As I walked to work this morning, I became increasingly depressed over a conversation that I had inworld this am.
Promises and civility are maintained, at least in public, while behind the scenes, there is DRAMA. Yes, the capitalization is intentional. Not drama, the "little d" kind, that can make life a little spicey, but is able to be lived with. DRAMA, the capitolized kind, that makes life hell for all involved.... the kind that makes you wanna either shut the world out, or slap it around a little. I have enough of that in my RL. My mother has had two strokes and a heart attack, the last one just a month ago. The bills are piling up, as usual, these days for MOST of us. My oldest cat has cancer, she's almost 10, a gift from my last rl lover's mother, after HE died of cancer a little over ten years ago. My sister has lost her job, her husband is still working, but they have her youngest, his youngest, and FIVE grandkids (not gonna comment here on how his ex raised THEIR daughters!) to raise, as well. I have rheumatoid arthritis in my feet, nerve damage in my spine from a car accident almost 26 yrs ago (next week), and memory problems sometimes STILL from that wreck. RL sucks ass, a lot of the time.
Now, SL has taken a downswing. Promises have been made, and not kept. Arrogance and selfpity , on many sides, including my own, have contributed to the melee. My recent relationship with my Angel fell apart, mostly through lack of HONEST communication, until it was WAY too late. I have met a wonderful to just spend time with, but get "20 questions" from both my and his loved ones, even though it's REALLY none of their business. Relationships that once were considered immortal and unquestionable are now being questioned, and face mortality. Drama has become the "catch phrase" of the month.
Today has been kinda gloomy in RL. It's warming back up, almost 30 degrees today from this time last week. It's cloudy, there is "weather moving in" as my late great-grandmother used to say. We got busy at work, everyone was bitchy, employees and customers, and it contributed to a general malaise that I've been fighting since the middle of last month. Finally , the day at work was over, and I get home, only to find that I have to get in the car, drive to the bank, pay something that is LONG overdue, because it was "forgotten" by a relative that is also on that account. I immediately went into a funk. AND almost a rage.
As I was driving back home, about a block from my house, along the banks of the mighty Ohio River, the sun suddenly APPEARED! Not just "broke through the clouds", not "sent a brilliant ray to light the shoreline, and the autumn leaves across on the Kentucky hills".... No, it APPEARED! It was as if the entire world STOPPED for a minute. I even pulled over on the parking area that runs the length of the brick walk that meanders along the top of the river bank, and just stared. The brilliance of the colors in the trees, the light, no make that LIGHT from the heavens that was glistening on the breakers behind a barge chugging mightily upstream..... OMG.... I don't know if it was the brilliance of the reflections, or just the sudden beauty, but I had a few tears in my eyes. I looked downstream, to where the local boatramp and docks are, past the century + trees that line that part of the bank. Sitting under the middle tree, was an elderly couple.... He was tall and slender, she a little butterball of a woman, probably barely 5' tall. They looked for all the world like my Mammaw and Pappaw. (my great grandparents). I got out of the car to take a picture with my cell phone, and of course it didn't work. I was a bit chagrined, and was kinda huffing and puffing a bit. I heard a gentle breeze kick up, and the leaves swirled a little on the riverbank, sending bright oranges, greens, reds, maroons and browns in dazzling numbers into small tornadoes, which danced for few minutes, then lay still.
When I finally got focused again, and realized what I'd done wrong with the phone (hey, it's brand new, give me a break, I'm NOT ten, and didn't grow up with the damned things!), the old couple was gone. *poof* No sign of them. The sun disappeared, and the gray returned, but burned onto the retinas of my mind was the beauty of her snow white hair and his bald head glistening in the brief joy of that brilliance, amidst the wonder of those leaves and colors. I smiled.
NOTHING is gonna bother me now. Oh, I'll feel pain, both for myself and my loved ones. I'll feel joy and wonder in the same way. But the deep fears, malaise and anger? Nope. I've always wanted to see the face of God. Guess what? She's BEAUTIFUL when she smiles!
Wishing peace to all, and love to all,
Teleny, Lord Macarthur, Macaniva Keep.... or just Tel to all of YOU, my dear friends!
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