Sending peaceful thoughts........

out to all my loved ones.  My son, Spanki Moulliez.... his partner, and soon to be husband, Miki Ushimawa. To my G-monster and Bebe in RL, my ailing mother, and my exlovers from SL, w/o whose influence and care I wouldn't have been able to love my kitteh in the way I do.... to all my friends on SL:  the ones that I see/talk to daily, that are there through thick and thin, and the ones that I talk to once a month, whose RL's are as hectic as my own, and we just don't seem to have the time to communicate.
     Second Life has been an interesting phenomenon for me.  Both a curse at times and a blessing, it has enabled me to "feel" again on levels that I never thought to.  Contentment, happiness, and yes, at times, anger and pain; these emotions have come roaring back into my life, because of this "game".  I  have fought dragons and beasts;  I have BEEN dragons and beasts.  I dreamed of elves after I first discovered Tolkien in the second grade with "The Hobbit"....now, I AM an elf, most of the time.  Neko's?  An ancient oriental legend, transmuted into "living" form on SL, also something that I can now live/be at times, and that "fuck the world" attitude helps me get through my rather chaotic RL situations that I'm dealing with at the moment.
     I read Greek mythology as a child until I could quote legends, myths and stories better than a native of Athens.  Now, for a long time, and still occassionally, I lived as a satyr Lord, in a medieval keep on SL, in a beautiful sim, which I may have to give up for financial reasons, yet I have NO regrets:  not for having spent the massive amounts of time, energy and money that I did to set it all up, nor the fact that I may have to dismantle it all and move on, due to excessive lag from a nightclub located WAY over my head there.  The lag there is so bad at times that it even slows local chat, let alone IM's and rezzing/building, etc.  Yet, out of love for that place, friendship with the sim owner, and for my boys, who want to get married there, I hang on to it, even when I am usually off and running with Asoniel.  We are usually out somewhere "dancing".... i.e. talking in voice chat, getting to know each other even more deeply.... or just sitting around his Neko lair while he works on his clothing line, or we sort inventory, etc.
     Which brings me to the real reason for this pensive, contended, "damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead" attitude that I now have, both on SL and in RL..... my Asoniel.  This Neko/elfling/human being is perhaps one of the most beautiful souls that I've ever met in my life.....EITHER of them.  I was certainly not looking for love on Second Life when my dear friend Latis brought me here from RL, oh, so long ago.  It was to be a diversion, a game, a "something to do of an evening, and its "FREE"!"  Ha!  I think we all know better than THAT, don't we my friends?  HA!  I have "loved" on SL a few times;  and that has carried over into RL somewhat... getting a little stronger each time, opening my slightly jaded outlook each time a bit more, not least of which was my beloved Dobby.  That ended rather badly, which was a shame.  Wherever you are, whatever you are doing now, Angel..... no regrets, no ill will on my part.  I wish you only the best, both in SL and in RL.  Without you, I would not be capable of what I have/am feeling now.
     Asoniel, what we have is, as I've said before, simply amazing to me.  The depth of our connection, the shere strength of this unlooked for, and in the beginning, unwanted bond that we have never ceases to astound me.  When I am hurting, when I am peaceful; when I need to laugh, to cry, to curse the fates, to just hang out and giggle a little, you are there.... holding my hand when I need it, making me laugh, allowing me to cry and crying along with me.  My feelings for you have enabled me to be closer to my friends, to tolerate my RL better, to cope with an aging mother and the attendant illnesses and emotional detritus.  It has allowed me a foundation of quiet strength that lets me support others when they need it... Spanki and Miki.... my dear Mistletoe as she made a "Slife changing" transition within the "game"..... my "cuzzin" Aruin, my best male friend on SL, when he needed me for a shoulder and a laugh, both in world and out.
     You have been there for me through all the tumult of the last month. Now it's my turn.  Second Life has supported me emotionally, through some pretty heavy RL stuff, and exponentially given back to me on so many levels much MORE than the money that I've spent on this "free little game".  To be able to share not only my Second Life with someone that I care this deeply about, but also my First Life, is, well, and here's that overused word again, to me, simply "amazing".  I am here for the long haul, not only on Second Life, which I can't imagine not being part of anymore, nor my SL "family", which has become all to real for me, but also this relationship with my Li'l Kitteh.
     For those of you "off worlders" that follow my blog.... my RL family, friends and co workers... a note of caution and hope.  Second Life will "suck you in"... will give you some of the most painful and rewarding emotional moments you will ever have.  To dance with friends, cuddle with loved ones... to meet and greet your buddies and make new ones.... to have relationships, true caring friendships with people from all cultures, all countries, all ethnicities, colors and creeds are all wonderful things that SL has to offer.  I have had friends leave SL for many reasons, which were perfectly valid to them.  Just as in RL, you love, you lose, you go on, making new friends, developping new interests, learning new skills.  It provides a source of comfort, and a place to "act out" many fantasies and kill those RL demons that haunt you.  I have tried, and often succeeded in bringing many of my RL friends and others to SL.  I hope to see the rest of you here soon!
     This blog started merely as a way of allowing others to follow my SL antics and so on, but the two lives have become to intrinsically entwined that I can't imagine not letting them overlap here, as well.  So, as I started this monologue, which has become a random stream of consciousness meandering, I wish you all the peace of mind and soul that I have found here on SL, and that it will carry over into your RL as it has for me as well.

     See you inworld!

Teleny, Lord Macarthur, Macaniva Keep, Northfarthing

aka.... Papi, Big Kitteh, Big Elf, lover and friend!

I found this video on YouTube... I dedicate this to all my family and friends on Second Life.... thank you all for being there when I need you, and for letting me be the strong one when you need me, especially one VERY special "Li'l Kitteh".  You've truly "raised me up to more than I can be......".